I have been in the mode to take care of myself lately. I LOVE feeling whole and taking the time to do the things that make me...me. It can be very easy for wives/mothers especially mothers of children with special needs to put ourselves on the back burner, but I know that when I am strong, I am strongER for my daughter.

On September 27, 2007 I ate...

blk grapes

3 small pizzas walnut crust/seed cheese/raw marinara/jalapenos/ 3/4 avocado

3/4 cantaloupe

sesame bread with seed cheese and jalapenos

maca/cacao choc bars

smoothie with 2 bananas/straw/agave
cantaloupe

workout:

12 rebounder

upper body workout

hammer curls

lat row

bicep curls

tricep dips

On September 28, 2007 I ate....

2 grapefruits/3 oranges juiced

blk grapes

4 slices sesame toast/seed cheese/tomato slices

cantaloupe

blk grapes

3 frozen bananas with caca/maca/coc0nut ice cream

grapefruit/orange juice

3 slices walnut /zucchini bread with pickles and jalapenos

workout.....

17min treadmill intervals

lowerbody

stiff leg deadlifts

50 lunges

calf raises

plie squats

Speaking of change....I am about to embark upon a 31 day juice feast. I will report on it every day or every other day. I am doing it with a friend across the country. I am just in the space to *cross over* a certain hump in my life. My juicer didn't arrive....I didn't shop for it....I think I used the juicer not coming as an excuse NOT to start, well it isn't. I am waking up and getting started. I am excited and I will do just fine.

September 29, 2007 I ate...
cantaloupe
banana
organe
3 whipped banana ice cream
guac with 4 pieces walnut bread
prunes
smoothie with straw/banana
2 banana maca

I cleaned out my basement yesterday as exercise. 3 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was wonderful! I am just clearing things out of my life and getting ready for the new phase in it.

Off to get emotionally ready for the next 31 days.

What it really means to be beautiful

This following article is SO inspiring. So for all those women who don't want to be body building but do believe that true beauty lies outside of what the media tells us, you will LOVE this article. I almost cried :)

You Are Beautiful

If I were feeling a little more lawless, I’d gather all the copies of Cosmo and Seventeen, douse them in kerosene, and strike a match. I’d throw in reams of print ads from Calvin Klein and watch with delight as Kate Moss’ stick-thin image was reduced to carbon. I’d add copies of Shape and Runner’s World until the flames reached toward the heavens, and then I’d crank call the editorial desk at Muscle and Fitness until they stopped publishing pictures of women on steroids.I’d get the master tapes of America’s Next Top Model and dub over them with “Nasty Girls”, broadcasting the results on every television station in America. I’d skywrite “CrossFit.com” across the Boston skyline, and gently admonish the hoards of long distance runners trotting along the Charles River—with a bullhorn.I’d take every woman with mass media-induced ideals of beauty, and I’d show them what it really means to be beautiful.

Beautiful women are strong and powerful. They are athletes, capable of every feat under the sun. They have muscles, borne of hard work and sweat. They gauge their self-worth through accomplishments, not by the numbers on the bathroom scale. They understand that muscle weighs more than fat, and they love the fact that designer jeans don’t fit over their well-developed quads. They know that high repetitions using light weights is a path to mediocrity, and “toning” is a complete and utter myth. They refuse to succumb to the marketers that prey on insecurity, leaving the pre-packaged diet dinners and fat-burning pills on the shelf to pass their expiration date.Beautiful women train with intensity. The derive self-image from the quality of their work and their ability to excel. They don’t wear makeup to the gym, and they wouldn’t be caught dead with a vinyl pink dumbbell. They move iron, they do pull-ups, they jump, sprint, punch, and kick, and they use the elliptical machine—as a place to hang their jump rope.

They spend their weekends in sport, climbing walls, winning races, and running rivers. They laugh as they sprint circles around the unschooled, turning the image-obsessed into benchwarmers. Beautiful women don’t care if they’re soaked in sweat and covered in dirt, if their nails are chipped or their hair out of place. They care only about quality of life. Beautiful women are happy, healthy, and strong, and they’re right there beside me, tossing conventional beauty on the ever-growing flames of what used to be.

Be beautiful.

Eating Gourmet and it feels so good!

This isn't a picture of the raw pizza that I made, but it's kinda close. I have been thinking a lot about gourmet raw/ mono meals/ low fat raw....etc. I have come to a few conclusions....

1. YES I have food addictions and issues that still need to be dealt with and a lowfat raw diet is the best way of keeping the emotional eating at bay

2. I LOVE preparing raw meals......

My point is this.....as long as it's living cuisine...I'm okay with eating it. I go thru phases where I want more fruit or more veggies or I want to "clean it up", but for the most part I am happy with how I am doing things. OPTIMALLY, I would like to ...

*have fruit juices/water upon waking

*fruit first thing

*massive lunch

*a nice salad with dinner

*sweet dessert

On September 24, 2007 I ate....
water
2 lbs of blk grapes
water
salad red leaf lettuce, tomato, olives, jalapeno, 1 avocado
pickles/olives
grapes/cantaloupe
grapes

I went to the gym with my hubby (one time thing).....
basketball (also known as, running up the court and pitching the ball at the goal :)
elliptical 5 min warm up
upper body free weights
bicep curls
seated shoulder press
hammer curls with tricep kick backs
cross cables for pecs
tricep dips

Some days I eat sporadically and all over the place....some days I do better than others. Now that I am back to keeping my food journal I can really see how much I am craving salt and fat. I eat a TON of olives per day and salty pickles...and can feel my body wanting more. As a result I've decided to 86 the olives for a while and continue eating hot peppers in their place....who knows how it will turn out!


Last nite I made cacao/maca/walnut/coconut bars....yummmmmmmmmmmmmy!!! What a superfood overload! I felt amazing. I even sliced a banana on top...wow..yoww..w.woowwww...





I have been exercising again and it feels SO good. I have vowed NOT to let myself get out of shape again. To most people, I look pretty in shape and well defined, but I have personal goals that I want to meet. SO, I put my goals up on the bathroom mirror, along with motivational quotes (all laminated on pink paper) and I see them at least 5 times a day!


On September 25, 2007 I ate...
blk grapes
salad with carrots/blk and green olives/ cherry tomatoes/ lime/pickles
fruit salad with cantaloupe/honeydew/watermelon/strawberry
1 apple
1 cantaloupe
bites and taste of seed cheese/bread/pizza crust
few olives
bowl of olives/pickles/jalapenos
4 cacao/maca/walnut/coconut bars
1 banana

Today the hubby and I did a workout at home. 30 min intervals. 18 min abs, a few hard core lowerbody exercise

calf lifts
stiff leg dead lifts
lunges (50)
quad on home gym

I am feeling inspired as the seasons change...ready for anything!!!!!

Back in the Game!!

Yesterday was a really great day. Beautiful weather and we took an impromptu trip out of town. My daughter had a blast riding the carousel and visiting the Science Center. I LOVE learning. Knowledge is so powerful and it is so fascinating to see that even through the "haze" of Autism, she has that desire to learn and grow.

As promised.....here is yesterday's "out of town" menu.
September 22, 2007
Water
beet/orange/strawberry juice....ohhhhh yeeeeeaaaaaaaa
prunes
banana/strawberry/walnut mylk smoothie
2.5 raisin/walnut/coconut balls on the road
2 cantaloupes
salad with red leaf lettuce/olives/tomatoes/lemon
banana ice cream (1 banana)
late nite eating.....1 avocado cubed with tomatoes and jalapenos

Today I woke up after not much sleep at all last nite. Only 3.5 hours!!!!!!! When it was time for me to nap (around 10 am), I decided to stop mourning and to get back into action. I WORKED OUT!!!!!!!! For so many that isn't a big deal, but it is for me. I have been depressed with all that has been happening in my life the past few months, I could not bring myself to do the things I used to thoroughly enjoy...and believe it or not...working out is something I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE. So today as the sweat was dripping down my face, I started to cry and not just because of all that I am going through, but because of all that I have OVERCOME.

I believe that we can get so wrapped up into "where do I have to go next? What do I need to do?!?" , that we forget how far we have come. Whether it be the road to raw foods, exercise, quitting a bad habit.....the only question I have is , "Are you better today than you were last year on this same day?" If the answer is yes...be proud of yourself. If the answer is no...get off you ARSE and get moving. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SEE HAPPEN IN YOUR LIFE??? Visualize it and make it happen.

To Each Her Own...or His Own :)

My fridge can look like this at any given moment OR it can be full of raw "junk" food. Oh my goodess to each her own. WHY WHY WHY is there so much judgment in our world? One side is that those on pure raw, unaltered foods want to share with all raw fooders how amazing it feels to be low fat, undehydrated, unprocessed raw. I am sooooooo much healthier than I was a few years ago and I feel great to eat the way I do. Sometimes I am in the mood for just fresh juice and really healthy salads with 1/2 an avocado OR there are days like today when I want rawsome pizza, coconut/cacao/nut pie, and a smoothie. For those who believe this connection keeps us connected to the cooked world....SO what??? Everyone has there own process and own experience. I am NOT drawn to cooked food! I do have moments where my brain remembers cooked food and wants it, but it isn't food to me anymore so I NEVER consider eating it. I'm saying all of this to say my daughter is a high-raw gluten free vegan, my husband is a high-raw (chicken/fish) borderline vegetarian, and I am 100% raw vegan. We all coexist in the same house and have respect for one another. THAT is what this is all about.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Angela Stokes . She has summarized food addiction and how to turn it around with raw foods in such a fascinating way. I am about to start posting my menu for the day (much as she does on her website) as a means of keeping me accountable. I haven't been nearly as out of control with my eating as I have been in the past, but it's just something I need to go back to doing. I used to keep a very detailed food journal and it was benefical to me.

I am in such a transitory place right now. I am so swamped with things for my daughter's school and it feels like I can't get anything done for myself, but I realized that I have the same 24 hrs in my day as everyone else!!! How motivational is this thought: Whether you do or do not do what you have to, the time passes anyway. WOW! With that in my mind, I intend on getting all of my stuff done today.

I went to the bookstore today with the hubby and had a nice quiet hour while Kennedy went to school for an hour. THEN we all headed out for raw cuisine at the ONE raw cafe in my town. I was soooooooo happy. I love having some others prepare food filled with love for me. I am usually the chef and it's nice to have others uncook my meals every now and again.

My mood has been shaky due to the loss of my son :( I can go up and down. I know that some raw fooders frown upon the constant use of superfoods, but hey.....I have been using them especially now to help elevate my mood and it's helping! I feel amazing. I just had a cacao/spirulina/banana smoothie and I am buzzzzziiiiinnnnnnnngggggggggg! With each passing day, I am sure losing my child will get easier, but for now I am going with the ebb and flow of my emotions and allowing myself the time to grieve and feel sorrow, while also remembering the beauty of all that I do have.

It's a gorgeous day outside and I am off to see where the day will take us b/c Kennedy isn't napping (actually she's in her bed singing "banana nana fo fanna" as I type this. Blessings to all and I am back in daily posting action as of today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New Breezes, Less Sneezes

My lovely school girl got her first set of sniffles. ARG! I kept her home one day and doctored her with love. I hope she's all better for next week. I also cut down her hours at school. I know I know...someone out there is thinking, "Just let her go already". Well, no! She is my heart and soul and I feel like it was just too much. So she goes to two different schools 3 hrs on 3 days and 2 hours on 2 days. That is enough. I may be decreasing it by a day also. I have found some great things to do with her at home and I want the time to do them.


The new pre-fall breeze is blowing across the northeast. It felt amazing today. I enjoyed some delicious treats. Today I juiced 2 grapefruit and added 2 tbsps of E3Live...yummmyyyy. I felt so amazing afterward.


I had been overeating fats....mainly nuts (due to my emotional distress) and then I woke up and said, ENOUGH! I ate a huge container of organic pitted prunes...drank some water....used the bathroom and I feel great now. I was so bloated from all those nuts. And I hadn't even soaked the almonds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just ate them out of the bag...totally enzymeless! Oh trust me the lesson is learned. BTW...don't think that I ate a bunch of nuts and then ate prunes as a way of "purging" myself. No NO NO...I ate tons of nuts for about a week and then I decided to eat something "cleansing" and leave the nuts alone. (Just wanted to clarify)


It is Sunday already and I have a gazillion things to get done next week. I feel prepared for the rush of everything. I am trying to get my life organized so that I can get into a space where I just let things come as they may. I truly do work hard at getting things accomplished, but I am needing to make more "down" time. Raw foods give you mega energy (when eaten correctly has been my experience) and sometimes I don't know when to shut it off. (i.e. I'm typing my blog at 12:45 am). It feels good to know that I can plan for busy times by cleaning up my diet. For instance...I need a lot of energy this week so I will be focusing on mega superfoods......frozen banana ice cream with lucuma, maca and raw cacao.......E3live enhanced citrus juices.........and massive, massive salads. It will be interesting to see what my body craves and this weather cools off. I am so excited about my life. I mourn the loss of my son with every breathe I take, and I appreciate my daughter THAT much more with every beating of my heart........ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the joys of life.

Sorrow is the reason for my absence

I have taken some time away from blogging to say goodbye to my son. My husband and I were expecting a baby boy and he was too good for this world and I know that he is waiting for me. This is one of the hardest things that I have had to deal with and I allowed myself the time and space to grieve. I feel ready for life's challenges once again and am now evermore grateful for my daughter ;-)

I am in a space where I feel like clearing excess "stuff" out of my life. It is just an overwhelming, heavy feeling that I am having. I just can feel the air around me becoming thick. It is time to purge my life of unnecessary evils.

I am finding myself with too much on my plate and looking around wondering how I got myself so far behind on projects. I sat down to journal and realized that I am back to eating a ton of fat. It never fails, when I overeat fat my digestion, as well as my, brain slows down. My body takes forever to process things and so does my mind. I'm saying that to say, I am trying to be more conscious of my food choices these days. Stress has of course led me back down the same path of destruction ===looking for the answer to life's problems in an full stomach. Angela Stokes is the BEST at handling all of these food addiction issues and I am going to follow her advice for the next few weeks and see if anything changes for me.

I am off to heal my body and mind. It's usually not until we lose someone or something that we are so much more grateful for the things/people that we do have.

Combo-Abombo ...Clean it up!!!

Here is a photo of the most gorgeous salad ever!! I have been really complicating my menu lately. OUCH says my digestive system. I have overdone the nuts and I am NOT doing well with it. I am refocused and ready to feel good again.


I am really thinking about liquids lately. This always happens naturally after I have had a week or two of complicated dishes. My body feels dehydrated and inefficient. I HAVE to change that.


I went out of town this weekend. An impromptu trip. Traveling raw is quite easy. Massive salad at the restaurant, made up raw food trail mix......easy (yes)...good for my stomach (no)! I need to plan better when I am going out of town or going to be away from home for longer periods of time. These are all notes to myself.


I'm off to think superbeing thoughts!!!!!!!!!

Raw for YOU!

Who do you call ? Where do you turn? Supplements or not? Superfoods or not? This raw journey can make some feel soooooo overwhelmed, so perplexed and frustrated. It is that quest to do "raw right" that leaves so many giving up on raw foods and running back to the world of 100% dead food. I am no authority, but I am here to tell you that YOU are your best compass for where to go on this raw journey.

All I can say is that I read everything that pulled at my soul and I kept what served me and threw the rest away. There are days/weeks where I eat barely any fat and I feel amazing. There are other days/months where I am craving fat and I eat it! Smoothies and juices are staples in my tummy, but there are moments when I just don't feel like it and I don't consume them. Those moments are few and far between. ( I say this as my grapefruit/orange juice is cooling in the freezer)





I find most of the answers in my daughter's eyes. She makes it apparent just how easy this all is. Don't obsess over it. Just DO IT! If I give her dehydrated enchiladas and an apple, she takes the apple every time. That's my lesson to simplify sometimes.

I had a wonderful 2-3 weeks on the cacao skywaves. Gee was it amazing. I got a ton of stuff done...did a lot of soul searching, journal writing and just came to a certain peace of mind in my life right now. I feel great.

I have always been a sort of people-pleaser. Even when I wasn't aware of it, I ran my life decisions by family and friends secertly wondering if they thought it was a good idea or not. I realized that this set me up for some major disappointments in life. Every time someone close to me had a personal opinion about my life, I would be devastated and crushed. I would wonder why they didn't agree with my choice. I learned that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks of my decisions. I am the only one who has to live with my decisions (my darling daughter as well) and I also realized that my seeking for approval was b/c I didn't feel strongly enough about my sense of self worth. That has alllllllllll changed. I feel like a new womyn and nothing can change it.




Banana ice cream has been a craving of mine for weeks now.
*I take a few frozen bananas and break them into chunks...
*freeze overnite....
*put them in the food processor with almond milk (1/4c) and
*process until I get the consistency of soft serve.
*Add strawberry sauce (processed fresh strawberries and agave nectar) and yummmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Of course you could also add cacao powder for Raw Choc Ice cream

I'm off to be a visionary ....